I woke up March 13th with pain and pressure behind my right eye. It was my son’s birthday so I ignored it, assuming it was my new contacts.

But, it didn’t go away.

I went into the optometrist where I’d gotten the contacts and she examined my eyes, discovering that I had a swollen optic nerve. I’ve been up and down every since; one day is good, the next is bad. I have to wear sunglasses all the time because the light makes the blurriness even worse sometimes.

I read some things on the internet and found out that there are a ton of reasons for a swollen optic nerve. It could be a viral infection, stress, the beginnings of MS, or even a tumor. Needless to say, I was kind of scared. Without insurance, I had no ability to go get the testing done. I found a clinic here in town and I’ve seen an ophthalmologist, but I still have no real answers yet.

I have to wait patiently and trust the Lord. Did I mention I hate waiting?

Things are generally getting better, not thanks to the up and down temperatures around here. The blurry vision has improved along with my color vision, but there’s a ways to go. I am able to post my poetry again, which makes me happy. I am comfortable driving again, which also makes me pleased, as well as making life a little easier.

But things still aren’t right.

I know it’s not nearly as serious as what Job went through, but I’ve had to come to grips with the fact that is God wants to take my vision, He will. And how I react is important. So I am doing everything I can to give it to Him and let His will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

But that’s really hard.

Have you ever had to deal with an adverse situation and try to not be offended at God? What helped you get through that?

Your people moving along
Moving farther away
Distorting the Law
Oppressing the weak

Your heart breaking
Your heart grieving
Feeling the distance
Feeling the gap widen

Your Son is willing
He will do the unthinkable
He will go to His death
To save Your people

You watch Him go
Your only Son
Part of You departs
You came down in Jesus

The distance is gone
The veil is torn
The Savior has come
You have rescued Your people

Composition Date: February 23, 2012

Holli’s Notes: This poem was born out of a song from IHOP-KC called “You Came Down”. It struck so deeply that I struggled to write something that compared to it. God couldn’t stand being separated from His people any longer so much that He came down as Jesus, put on flesh, and lived as one of us. He died so that we could always be close to Him.

This is the life they know
Every day, every night
Who will help them?

Jesus sees everything
He knows their pain
His heart is broken

Afraid
Battered
Chained
Defiled

Who can break these shackles?
Is there anyone listening?
Does anyone even know what’s going on?

Jesus is listening
He hears every cry
He holds every tear

Alone
Bruised
Cages
Despairing

Will it ever end?
Is this all they will ever know?
Who can save them?

Jesus can break the chains
He can open the doors
He will come for them

Jesus will make things new
He will dress them in white
He is their Savior

Composition Date: January 17, 2012

Holli Notes: I have been absolutely wrecked for the cause of human trafficking. In less than a month, the big game, the Super Bowl, will take place in Indianapolis, just 90 minutes northeast of where I live. And there will be hundreds of women and children sold for sex there. This is not okay.

This issue has been on my heart for a while, but the intensity has been ratcheted up by the realization that the sale of human beings will be taking place in my proverbial backyard. I have been praying for the ending of abortion for more than a year now, and God has shown me in this new year how closely these two issues are related.

The horror of sex trafficking is not okay with me, and it’s not okay with the spiritual community I’m involved in. We have been pressing in to pray for these women, these innocent children, and the traffickers as well. Jesus is the one who can set them free from all of this darkness and chains.

Jesus has been moving strongly on me in the Prayer Room as I sit at His feet, and I started to write a poem, trying to express my despair, and hope, on this issue. There is so much suffering, so much pain, so much darkness surrounding all of this. Yet there is hope and justice as well. Jesus will come and make all things new, making all wrong things right. Jesus is the Savior to these captives.

But we are hope to them as well. We can pray for them. We can do our best to see the demand for these things evaporate. We can take in these children who are left on the streets and get sucked into this industry. We can minister to these people and let them know Jesus can save them.

But will we? Will the church in the United States rise up and say, “No. This will not happen here.”? Will we take our place as men and women who seek justice?

Or will we do nothing?

I pray that 2012 has started off strong and well for all of you. Things got very busy for our family once Thanksgiving came and it didn’t really stop until this past week. I’ve never been to so many Christmas parties in my life!

I wrote “Heart Ache” back in September, but it is still very valid today. There is an ache inside me to see Jesus’ face, to hear his voice, and do His will. It is often drowned out by the world, sadly, but it is there.

I first heard the song, “To Be With You” during the 2010 onething conference out in Kansas City, put on by IHOP-KC. It touched me deeply, rending my heart over my lack of time with Jesus. That ache remained for a few days, but then faded as 2011 started and the problems of life began to mount.

Then the album of music from the conference came out over the summer and I heard the song again. I can vividly remember sitting in the Vigo County Public Library listening to a preview of the album and struggling to not weep in front of everyone when that song came up. There was a tangible ache, a longing for His presence. The reality of how far I had walked away hit me like a ton of bricks, that was now resting on my chest.

I bought the album as soon as I could, and listened to the song over and over, the feeling just growing stronger within me. One of the hardest seasons of life I have been through was this past August through November when I didn’t have a vehicle and could not get to the House of Prayer regularly to sit in front of Jesus, no distractions, nothing but Him.

I don’t even really feel like the poem, the words that I wrote, are enough to express the feeling I have. There is an insatiable thirst and hunger, a craving for His presence and His friendship. The is a hole in my heart that only He can fill. I miss Him.

Is there a longing for Jesus in your life? How do you chase after Him?

A desire to always seek Your face
To sit and stare at You
An irresistible longing
That only You can fill

Everything else falls away
You are all that matters
The world is fading
The Light is growing bright

What is this ache I feel?
That draws me to my knees
It is a yearning for my Savior
It is a holy heart ache

Composition Date: September 18, 2011

Holli’s Notes: I wish I could adequately express the feeling that I had when I wrote this poem. It was inspired by a song called “To Be With You” by Misty Edwards from IHOP-KC. Every time I hear the song, I am wrecked and have a deep longing to be at Jesus’ feet, looking up at Him, learning from Him, loving Him.

- Isaiah 1:17

As we start this new year, a heartbreaking issue has been placed on my heart, and the hearts of my friends, by the Lord. In February, the capital city of my home state, Indianapolis, will be hosting the Super Bowl. This will be a great financial boon to the city, and this state, bringing in people from around the country, and even the world.

It will be a disaster, however, to the women and children that are being trucked in, as slaves, to the city. The Wold Cup and the Super Bowl are the two largest human trafficking events in the world, and it’s happening in my proverbial backyard. These women and children are treated as pieces of meat to be sold to any number of men to have their innocence and dignity stolen.

This is not okay with me.

A lot of people hear about these things happening in foreign countries – India, Thailand, and some in Africa – but it is happening RIGHT HERE. This is not simply a foreign issue. Girls as young as 13 are being forced into sexual slavery, IN THE UNITED STATES. Some of those will be on the market during the Super Bowl in Indianapolis.

This is not okay with me. Not on my watch.

And so for the next month, through the February 5th championship game, (and after) my prayer warrior friends at WVIHOP and I will be praying for these people, day and night. Praying that the chains of slavery would be broken off of them. Praying that the people who entrap them would be brought to justice. Praying that trafficking would be completely eradicated in this country and around the world.

Because this is not okay with me. It is not okay with my friends. And it is not okay with God.

Would you join us?

——

Some human trafficking information links

Nefarious: Merchant of Souls – a documentary about human trafficking

Facts about slavery

Fox News story about Human Trafficking

CNN Freedom Project

CNN Freedom Project Statistics

An orphan sits in his room
At a foreign orphanage
This will be another Christmas
All alone

A homeless man sits at a shelter
No Christmas dinner with family or friends
Just a simple meal in a cafeteria
All alone

A dying man lies in a hospital bed
He knows it’s his last Christmas
Cold in this sterile, lonely room
All alone

You sit at home this Christmas
Overwhelmed and tired
Depression is seeping in
All alone

Yet there is a gift
The perfect gift for each of these

He is a companion to the lonely
He is a father to the fatherless
He is a home to the homeless
He is peace to the dying
He is joy to the sorrowful

He is Jesus Christ

Composition Date: December 14, 2011

He is the precious babe
Who came to save

Who is this child
Learning in the temple
Sitting in his Father’s House
Growing in favor and wisdom

He is the precious babe
Who came to save

Who is this man
Working the wood
Learning a craft
Waiting for his time

He is the precious babe
Who came to save

Who is this Jesus
Healing the sick
Teaching in the temple
Speaking the truth

Hanging on the cross
Dying for our sins
Rising from the grave

He is the precious babe
Who came to save

Composition Date: December 8, 2011

Could it be
Is this the child
The one foretold
The one Isaiah spoke of

Could it be
Is this the star
We were told about
Resting above a manger
In Bethlehem

Could it be
Is this the Savior
Is this the Christ
The one we’ve been waiting for
The One

Composition Date: December 8, 2011